Posts Tagged ‘Vampire baby’

What this chapter should be called: Totally and completely expected
Fucks I give: 2

Well, I went in to this chapter expecting Bella to find out she got knocked up. What I didn’t expect was the amount of bad writing I’d have to endure in order to get to that point. We start out with Bella having one of her nightmares. The Volturi are advancing upon her, and she needs to protect the little kid, blah blah blah. She then wakes with a start.


“I jolted upright, shocked out of the dream. The room was black. It was also steamy hot. Sweat matted my hair at the temples and rolled down my throat. I groped the warm sheets and found them empty.”


Edward has ventured off to the mainland to slaughter some tasty jungle critters, but don’t worry, he’ll be back later. Bella decides that nightmares are scary and it’s too hot to sleep, so she better go and make some fried chicken. That totally makes sense. When I feel hot, the first thing I want to do is stand over a sizzling frying pan, splattering my arms with grease and then chowing down on some piping hot fatty poultry at 4 AM. (+1 Stupidity)

Whatever. She fries up some chicken and takes a couple bites, but it tastes off, so she throws it all away. She then decides to settle back down for a nice 1 AM nap, conclusively ending five totally pointless paragraphs.