Posts Tagged ‘That’s disgusting’

What Bella would call this chapter: Impassioned Lust and Devotional Depth
Fucks given: -2

Well, hi howdy ho, gang! It’s been too long. After a long weekend at Disneyland, I’m ready to foray back into the tortuous world of Twilight. Why, I’ve positively been shaking from withdrawal, can’t you tell?

We are still seeing things through Jacob’s eyes, for reasons I can’t quite understand. I think it almost would have been less-stupid to experience Bella’s pregnancy. But I guess Meyer didn’t agree with me. Why am I not surprised? Anywhore, Jake has gone back to his place before setting out to storm the Cullen manor. He runs into his father unexpectedly and is now forced to go through petty pleasantries and do things like push his disabled father up a ramp.


“Got a minute, Jake?” I skidded to a stop. I looked at him and then toward the garage. “C’mon kid. At least help me inside.” I gritted my teeth but decided that he’d be more likely to cause trouble with Sam if I didn’t lie to him for a few minutes. “Since when do you need help, old man?”


Hot damn. First Bella, now Jake. Why does Meyer have such a problem with teens having healthy relationships with their parents? (+1 Stupidity) I guess Jacob is just super depressed he hasn’t gotten to bang Bella and hasn’t imprinted yet and has to go to a bunch of weddings that aren’t his COME ON GUYS FEEL SORRY FOR HIM. (+1 Angst)

Jacob goes through some stilted chat with Billy and delivers some dull exposition about his sisters who are never mentioned again after this paragraph. Billy eventually cuts to the chase: what the hell did Sam tell you dudes?


“Wait up, Jake. Aren’t you going to tell me what happened? Do I have to call Sam for an update?” I stood with my back to him, hiding my face. “Nothing happened. Sam’s giving them a bye. Guess we’re all just a bunch of leech lovers now.”


Well, no SHIT you can’t see someone’s face when their back is to you. Duh. (+1 Stupidity) Billy digs deeper and tries to talk Jake out of going over and murdering all of the Cullens.