Posts Tagged ‘Sparkle’

What this chapter should be called: All this for nothing?!?

Bella like-o-meter: 2


New update schedule – there was once a time when I could easily bang out two chapter’s worth of reviews a week. Unfortunately, those times have passed. From now on, I shall update every Wednesday.

I’m going to start this review off a little differently. All I do is talk smack about how awful Twilight is, so I’ve been trolling fansites and forums lately, trying to find out why on earth people find these books so damn compelling. I found out that the average Twilight fan’s most common defense is, “At least it gets people to read!” to which I reply, “Bullshit.”

See, it may get people to read, but it doesn’t matter if they’re not reading the right stuff. Let me put it this way. It’s kind of like saying, “Oh, you don’t like tomatoes? Well, here’s a Bloody Mary! You’re an alcoholic now, but at least you like tomatoes!” See what I’m saying? You can’t call yourself a reader and expect anyone to take you seriously  if all you read is the softcore porn novellas they sell at the airport. It’s the same deal with Twilight. Go pick up The Hobbit or something.

Also, I think now would be a pretty good time to mention that when I woke up this morning, my sinuses went, “JK LOL GO FUCK YOURSELF” and I’m currently shot up on two full cups (the little plastic ones on top of the bottle) of Nyquil. I apologize in advance if my writing jumps around a little.




Posted: December 31, 2011 in New Moon, Other crap
Tags: , ,

So, it seems that the rabid Twibeasts I keep locked in my closet have escaped and incited rebellion amongst their fellows. After they ran amok in my house for God knows how long, they finally discovered my laptop and erased my chapter 10 review. I’m working on a cleanup effort right now (those damn things shit sparkles EVERYWHERE) and recapturing the escaped creatures. I’ll see you on Wednesday with a full review, and hopefully no Twibeasts. Have a nice day.*














*Either that or my shitty Mac may have crashed and deleted everything, but I like the first explanation more.