Posts Tagged ‘Seth Clearwater’

What Bella would call this chapter: Magical Dreams
Fucks I give: I do not give them on a boat

*I’m going out of town on Tuesday, so here’s the next chapter a little early.*

This chapter picks up right where we last left off, with the now suddenly evil wolves preparing to attack the Cullens. Due to the hierarchy of the pack, both Jake and Seth are being forced to participate. Al the wolves are scared because they know not all of them will be coming back alive. Pfft. we all know that if this fight actually happens, of which I am incredibly doubtful, no one will be seriously harmed or killed. We’ve read Meyer’s last three books. We all know that she does not have the stones to harm any of her precious characters, so I would really appreciate it if we could just be done with all this non-tension. Besides, Sam’s transformation into a mock-villain who wants to kill pregnant ladies is just too damn funny to take seriously. (+1 Stupidity)

Jake obviously feels the same way as me, because he sits on the ground, staring blankly into space, probably wishing he could tear his way out of the book.


“Their minds were filled with our challenge, our assignment. We remembered together the nights we’d watched the Cullens practicing for the fight with the newborns. Emmett Cullen was strongest, but Jasper would be the bigger problem. He moved like a lightning strike—power and speed and death rolled into one. How many centuries’ experience did he have? Enough that all the other Cullens looked to him for guidance. I’ll take point, if you want flank, Quil offered. There was more excitement in his mind than most of the others.”


Even though the wolves are super scurrrrrred they’re also really excited to go and open up a can of whoop-ass. I don’t blame them. If I was capable of opening up cans of whoop-ass wherever I went, you could probably melt down all my recycled cans and make an even bigger can of whoop-ass, and then – oh, you get it. Whatever.

And then, suddenly, Jacob decides that he can do whatever the fuck he wants, because he is the rightful alpha in this pack, and therefore the only one that can defy Sam!



What this chapter should be called: Seth saves the day
Edward creep-o-meter: 3

This chapter pisses me off. More than normal, I mean. Mostly because Meyer spends most of her time painting darling Eddiekins as a big damn hero, while in fact, this book’s climax was made possible by a character who only became important last chapter.

That’s right, sparklemongers, Seth is totally the hero in this chapter.

And no one gives a damn.

But more on Super Seth later. Right now, Bella is in her sleeping bag, waiting for an avalanche or the newborns or something equally nasty to come and put her out of her misery. (+1 Angst) Out of nowhere, Sparklepeen pops up to stroke Bella’s hair and generally be useless.


“Are you all right?” he murmured, his voice anxious. “No. I want to die.” “That will never happen. I won’t allow it.” I groaned and then whispered, “You might change your mind about that.”


Eddie reads Seth’s mind, and Bella realizes that the whole pack now knows about the snogfest. Well, duh, Belly. How come you are always reminding us how cool Edward is, yet you constantly forget everything about werewolves? (+1 Stupidity)