What this chapter should be called: This is the one with sex
Fucks I give: -4
Even though this is the part with the sex, for a decent portion of the chapter, I wasn’t sure if they actually did the deed or just did a really intense round of yoga. Sure, sex is alluded to in a wacky, roundabout way, but Meyer never actually types the letters S-E-X together. I’m pretty sure they did the nasty, because Edward mentioned “making love.” Though, they could have gone to a Build-A-Bear factory and made a teddy named “Love”, in which case the phrase has a new, pathetic meaning.
Anyways, we pick up with Bella and Edward heading off to their super-secret honeymoon destination. The first flight is to Houston, which Edward says is just going to be a pit stop. From there, they hop on a plane to Rio de Janeiro.
“The flight to South America was long but comfortable in the wide first-class seat, with Edward’s arms cradled around me. I slept myself out and awoke unusually alert as we circled toward the airport with the light of the setting sun slanting through the plane’s windows.”
Well, I suppose the upside of this is that I get to play “20 minutes on Google Maps”, which is by far my favorite thing to do with these books. Let’s see: we’ll say that Bedward leaves Forks at 9:00 PM, hitting minimal traffic on the way to Seatac, arriving at about 11:00. After checking in, going through security, and waiting a little for the plane, they’re in the air by 12:30. The flight to Houston is about 5 hours long, and with time changes, we’ll say they’re on the ground at 9:00 AM.
Since we already know that Emmett is an Expedia wizard, we’ll say Bedward is back in the air at 10 AM. This is where we start having problems. For one, Expedia can’t find a direct flight from Houston to Rio without at least one stop with a 15+ hour layover. (+1 Stupidity) But whatever, the Cullens are too good for layovers and for whatever reason they get a direct flight to Rio. The flight itself is only about two and a half hours long. With another time change, they’re in Rio by 3:00 PM at the very latest. (+1 Stupidity) Research FTW!!!