Now that I have ended the tumultuous journey that was New Moon, it’s time for the handy-dandy recap.
After Jasper tries to kill Bella because she was stupid enough to give herself a papercut, Edward wises up and gets the hell out of the book. Bella then falls into a state of deep depression, because she is that unabashedly codependent. After four months where Bella is, for all intents and purposes, dead to us, she enlists Jacob Black as her new emotional crutch, and manipulates him into teaching her to ride motorcycles so that she can hallucinate Edward’s voice. Jacob eventually outs himself as a werewolf to Bella, who has a problem with this, even though she was A-okay with a vampire who wanted to kill her. The plot shows up in the form of Bella trying to commit suicide, (because her life was just that miserable) and Alice returns to whisk Bella off to Italy to stop the vampire mafia, the Volturi, from killing Edward. Turns out, the Volturi are actually pretty lame, and the whole terrific gang goes home and everything is back to normal with no complications whatsoever.