Posts Tagged ‘Google’

What this chapter should be called: Yaaay more abuse!

Bella like-o-meter: 3

 

THIS CHAPTER IS HORRIBLY BAD, AND STEPHENIE MEYER SHOULD FEEL BAD, LIKE SHE’S JUST BRUTALLY RAVAGED A MILLION NEWBORN PUREBRED LABRADOR PUPPIES. THAT’S HOW BAD THIS CHAPTER IS.

So, surprise, surprise, since there’s a festival going on, traffic in Volterra is super hellish. Since Bella can’t do anything useful in this situation, she settles for moaning Alice’s name with a sense of urgency.

 

“Alice,” I moaned. The clock on the dash seemed to be speeding up. “It’s the only way in,” she tried soothe me.”

 

The fanfic practically writes itself. (+1 Stupidity)

To summarize the next few paragraphs in the Meyer-tongue, some stuff happens, the traffic doesn’t move,  Alice does some stuff, and we still can’t get into the city.

 

“Alice,” I whispered urgently. “I know,” she said. Her face was chiseled from ice.”

 

Please tell me that someone’s writing these down.

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What this chapter should be called: Are we there yet?

Bella like-o-meter: 2

 

This chapter has its ups and downs. The good part is that, for once, something is actually happening. The bad part is that it’s so unbelievably stupid.

The beginning of this chapter is actually kind of boring, despite the ~intense~ context. Alice and Bella make their flight with seconds to spare, and Bella bounces up and down in her seat, kind of like that annoying 5 year-old that always seems to end up behind you on your business trips. They lift off, and Alice makes a phone call .

 

“Alice lifted the phone on the back of the seat in front of her before we’d stopped climbing, turning her back on the stewardess who eyed her with disapproval. Something about my expression stopped the stewardess from coming over to protest.”

 

My first thought was, “WTF, the phone on the back of the seat? Do those even exist?” Then I did a quick Google search and found out that some planes do indeed have phones connected to the first class seats. How likely is it that Bella and Alice are flying in one of these planes? Not so great. Then again, I only fly less shitty coach, so what do I know? I’ll hold off on the stupidity point for that one. However, I really doubt that Alice and Bella would have been able to get 2 first class seats, right next to each other, on a last-minute basis. That shit sells out fast. (+1 Stupidity)

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