Breaking Dawn

Preface, and Chapter 1: Engaged, in which nothing happens except a brief paragraph on how Bella would like to rub naughty-bits with Edward. Really.

Chapter 2: Long Night, in which this book is now about babies.

Chapter 3: Big Day, in which the vampire wedding is not nearly as exciting as I anticipated.

Chapter 4: Gesture, in which ASDFGHJKL JACOB’S BACK

Chapter 5: Isle Esme, in which I was lied to about the sex.

Chapter 6: Distractions, in which I was not distracted from this book’s lack of plot.

Chapter 7: Unexpected, in which nothing was actually unexpected.

Chapter 8: Waiting For The Damn Fight To Start Already, in which I choke on Jacob-angst, due to a switch in narration that makes no fucking sense.

Chapter 9: Sure As Hell Didn’t See That One Coming, in which I wish the damn thing would just claw its way out of Bella’s uterus already.

Chapter 10: Why Didn’t I Just Walk Away? Oh, Right, Because I’m An Idiot, in which “Edward Cullen’s Guide to a Better Marriage” is not well received by the test group.

Chapter 11: The 2 Things At The Very Top Of My Never-Want-To-Do List, in which Jacob is magic and Bella is sadly not dead.

Chapter 12: Some People Just Don’t Understand The Definition Of “Unwelcome” , in which because vampires have two extra chromosomes.

Chapter 13: Good Thing I’ve Got A Strong Stomach, on which I gave up and watched some Supernatural on Netflix.

Chapter 14: You Know Things Are Bad When You Fell Guilty For Being Rude To Vampires,  in which Jacob is in terrible danger of being nurtured to death.

Chapter 15: Tick Tock Tick Tock Tick Tock, in which the fetus explosion is imminent.

Chapter 16: Too-Much-Information Alert, in which Jacob and Leah have a touching heart-to-heart while waiting for the fetus explosion.

Chapter 17:  What do I look like? The Wizard of Oz? You need a brain? You need a heart. Go ahead. Take mine. Take everything I have, in which Jacob creeps on girls at the park.

Chapter 18: There Are No Words For This, in which hoOOOLY SHIT

Chapter 19: Burning, in which Bella is in pain and she deserves it.

Chapter 20: New, in which Bella is oh-so pretty and will not stop telling us about it.

Chapter 21: First Hunt, in which having sex is way more important than being a parent.

Chapter 22: Promised, in which this baby makes no sense whatsoever and is only present because Meyer needed another perfect character to gush over. Also, pedophilia.

Chapter 23: Memories, in which we talk about the baby some more for no reason other than because Meyer can.

Chapter 24: Surprise, in which Bella gets everything she wants, which is not surprising at all.

Chapter 25: Favor, in which Charlie is a sucky dad and Bella’s life gets more perfect.

Chapter 26: Shiny, in which the amount of perfection is OVER 9000.

Chapter 27: Travel Plans, in which no real travel plans are made and no one cares if Renesmee dies in a week or two.

Chapter 28: The Future, in which plot (or what passes for it, at least) happens.

Chapter 29: Defection, in which I am bored out of my skull and sick of Meyer’s obvious plot twists.

Chapter 30: Irresistible, in which Edward would rather Bella die than make a fist.

Chapter 31: Talented, in which no one can fucking understand what a shield is.

Chapter 32: Company, in which murder is okay and we are introduced to a bajillion characters we don’t care about.

Chapter 33: Forgery, in which unnecessary subplot happens.

Chapter 34: Declared, in which everyone feels the need to say what side they are on.

Chapter 35: Deadline, in which we wrap up that unnecessary subplot and prepare for war.

Chapter 36: Bloodlust, in which the Volturi finally, FINALLY show up.


  1. Hey. Hey, Kate. Remember back when I said I’d draw Mike as an elf? I finally got that done and posted on my blog if you want to see it.

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