What this chapter should be called: Lamest. Battle. Ever.
“Chelsea is trying to break our bindings,” Edward whispered. “But she can’t find them. She can’t feel us here. . . .” His eyes cut to me. “Are you doing that?” I smiled grimly at him. “I am all over this.”
“The Romanians started chuckling with dark anticipation. “I told you this was our time,” Vladimir said to Stefan. “Just look at the witch’s face,” Stefan chortled. Alec patted his sister’s shoulder soothingly, then tucked her under his arm. He turned his face to us, perfectly smooth, completely angelic.”
“A strange clear haze was oozing across the snow, nearly invisible against the white. It reminded me of a mirage—a slight warping of the view, a hint of a shimmer. I pushed my shield out from Carlisle and the rest of the front line, afraid to have the slinking mist too close when it hit. What if it stole right through my intangible protection? Should we run? A low rumbling murmured through the ground under our feet, and a gust of wind blew the snow into sudden flurries between our position and the Volturi’s. Benjamin had seen the creeping threat, too, and now he tried to blow the mist away from us.”
“I could taste it as soon as it touched my shield—it had a dense, sweet, cloying flavor. It made me remember dimly the numbness of Novocain on my tongue. The mist curled upward, seeking a breach, a weakness. It found none. The fingers of searching haze twisted upward and around, trying to find a way in, and in the process illustrating the astonishing size of the protective screen.”
Let me see if I have this straight. After spending two years of my life reading these books, flipping through more than 2,000 pages of crap and cliché, I’m rewarded with a fight between mist, snow flurries, and an invisible bubble?
And an invisible bubble.
An invisible bubble?
Was this book written by an adult or a flock of 9-year-olds at a slumber party? I’m not even pissed. I’m just confused. And it only gets worse.
Everyone starts to call out opponents.
“I’m going to have to concentrate,” I whispered to Edward. “When it comes to hand to hand, it’s going to be harder to keep the shield around the right people.” “I’ll keep them off you.” “No. You have to get to Demetri. Zafrina will keep them away from me.” Zafrina nodded solemnly. “No one will touch this young one,” she promised Edward. “I’d go after Jane and Alec myself, but I can do more good here.” “Jane’s mine,” Kate hissed. “She needs a taste of her own medicine.” “And Alec owes me many lives, but I will settle for his,” Vladimir growled from the other side. “He’s mine.” “I just want Caius,” Tanya said evenly. The others started divvying up opponents, too, but they were quickly interrupted. Aro, staring calmly at Alec’s ineffective mist, finally spoke.”
“Suddenly, Edward stiffened at my side. “Yes!” he hissed. I risked a glance at him. His face glowed with an expression of triumph that I didn’t understand—it was the expression an angel of destruction might wear while the world burned. Beautiful and terrifying.”
“Perhaps,” Edward said pleasantly, controlling his unexplained excitement. “First, if I could clarify one point?” “Certainly,” Aro said, raising his eyebrows, nothing now but polite interest in his tone. My teeth ground together; Aro was never more dangerous than when he was gracious. “The danger you foresee from my daughter—this stems entirely from our inability to guess how she will develop? That is the crux of the matter?”
No, Edward didn’t just think of a new title for his lullaby about a sleepy tree. He senses something, and starts asking Aro pointed questions about this trial. After some bloated speeches, Aro claims that if the Cullens can somehow prove that a hybrid vampire is not a threat, the Volturi will leave. But Aro doesn’t think this is possible because Nessie is the only hybrid in the entire world.
Or is she?
Nope. She’s not. Thanks for reading my blog. Hope you had fun.
Cream Count: +1
Thesaurus Rape: +44
Cream Count: +18
Eye Rape: +1
Red Flag: Edward: +17 Jacob: +8