Chapter 36: Bloodlust

Posted: October 16, 2013 in Breaking Dawn
Tags: , , , , , , , ,
What this chapter should be called: The battle that wasn’t

Fucks I give: 2

Chapters left: 3

This is it, guys! The Volturi have finally arrived. The battle must be near. Everything is just so exciting!

“The faint brushing sound of their feet was so regular it was like music, a complicated beat that never faltered. At some sign I did not see—or perhaps there was no sign, only millennia of practice—the configuration folded outward. The motion was too stiff, too square to resemble the opening of a flower, though the color suggested that; it was the opening of a fan, graceful but very angular. The gray-cloaked figures spread to the flanks while the darker forms surged precisely forward in the center, each movement closely controlled.”


The Volturi’s grand entrance is well choreographed and only a couple songs away from being a great Bollywood dance number. Behind the main guard streams in a horde of other vampires, an angry mob not even bothering to hide their emotions. It’s clear they’ve come to see the Cullens punished.

“And then, as if their numbers were not enough, while the Volturi slowly and majestically advanced, more vampires began entering the clearing behind them. The faces in this seemingly endless influx of vampires were the antithesis to the Volturi’s expressionless discipline—they wore a kaleidoscope of emotions. At first there was the shock and even some anxiety as they saw the unexpected force awaiting them. But that concern passed quickly; they were secure in their overwhelming numbers, secure in their position behind the unstoppable Volturi force. “


Oh my God. Who the hell thinks like this? (+1 Thesaurus Rape) Edward snarls and says that “Alastair was right.” The Volturi have indeed come to destroy AND acquire. In case Irina’s claims prove to be false, Aro and Caius have planned to find some other reason to start a glitter-filled battle. But, now that they can see Renesmee, they’re confident in their course of action. They suddenly freeze and hold their line on the opposite side of the clearing.

“The wolves had joined us. On either side of our uneven line, the wolves branched out in long, bordering arms. I only spared a fraction of a second to note that there were more than ten wolves, to recognize the wolves I knew and the ones I’d never seen before. There were sixteen of them spaced evenly around us—seventeen total, counting Jacob. It was clear from their heights and oversized paws that the newcomers all were very, very young.”


Bella is suddenly outraged that so many teenagers had to gain superpowers because of the Volturi. Forget the murder of innocent people, this is a big deal! (+1 Stupidity) But hey, the lives of supernatural beings > the lives of puny humans, blah blah. Suddenly, she’s seeing red and feeling positively giddy about the idea of getting to rip off some Volturi limbs and then dancing manically around their funeral pyres. (Weirdo.)

And then, Aro, Caius and Marcus emerge from the line, holding hands. Sigh.It’s not mentioned in the book, but I bet Emmett is laughing his ass off. I know I am. Holding hands? That’s how the mighty Volturi make their grand entrance into battle? It wouldn’t surprise me if Marcus were wearing a ribbon in his hair and licking a big old-fashioned lollipop. (+1 Stupidity) Are these supervillains going to war, or catty middle-schoolers having a slumber party?
Aro: Hey, Cullens, you wanna play truth or dare?
Caius: I stole one of my dad’s beers and I have 10 straws, wanna taste?
Marcus: My stomach hurts. Can someone call my mom and have her pick me up?
Aro: Shut up, Marcus. You just don’t want to play Spin the Bottle because you don’t know how to kiss.
Marcus: Nuh-uh! I kissed, like, ten girls last year at band camp. You don’t know because you weren’t there. And they all said I was good at kissing.
Aro: Liar.
Edward: Um…are we going to fight?
Aro: We’re waiting for you to get sleepy. The minute you fall asleep we’re going to write “poop” on your forehead in permanent marker. That’ll teach you to mess with us.
Edward: But I don’t sleep.
Aro: Hmm…well, we’re going to make you take off your shirt and then we’re going to circle all your chubby areas with a permanent marker! That will ruin your self-esteem.
Edward: I have no chubby areas.
Aro: We’re going to egg your house.
Edward: Nooooooooo!
Aro: Hey, Rosalie, I dare you to kiss Marcus on the lips. If you refuse, we get to dip your hair in toilet water.
Marcus: Seriously guys. My stomach hurts. I better go.
Bella scopes out Alec and Jane while everyone just stands around and looks at each other. The Volturi are frozen, unsure of how to procede. They’re wary of the Romanians, bothered by the long Amazons, and worried about the wolves. The Volturi don’t count their witnesses is their numbers, so they’re clearly outnumbered should it come to a fight. Carlisle finally breaks the awkward silence.

“Aro, my old friend. It’s been centuries.” The white clearing was dead silent for a long moment. I could feel the tension rolling off Edward as he listened to Aro’s assessment of Carlisle’s words. The strain mounted as the seconds ticked by. And then Aro stepped forward out of the center of the Volturi formation. The shield, Renata, moved with him as if the tips of her fingers were sewn to his robe. For the first time, the Volturi ranks reacted. A muttered grumble rolled through the line, eyebrows lowered into scowls, lips curled back from teeth. A few of the guard leaned forward into a crouch. Aro held one hand up toward them. “Peace.”

Aro steps forward, spouting some crap about how Carlisle has assembled an army to kill Aro’s “dear ones.” This leads to a conversation about motives and justice and vampires. Aro wants to kill the Cullens because vampire babies are illegal, and suspects trickery when Carlisle tells him the truth about Nessie.

“No one has broken the law, Aro. Let me explain.” Again, Carlisle offered his hand. Before Aro could answer, Caius drifted swiftly forward to Aro’s side. “So many pointless rules, so many unnecessary laws you create for yourself, Carlisle,” the white-haired ancient hissed. “How is it possible that you defend the breaking of one that truly matters?” “The law is not broken. If you would listen—” “We see the child, Carlisle,” Caius snarled. “Do not treat us as fools.”

Caius snaps at the Cullens while Marcus is surely informing Aro of many important things, like “Bella does not like volleyball,” and “Edward and Bella like each other a lot.” Truly, Marcus is the most powerful character to ever exist within a work of fiction. (+1 Stupidity)
Also, Irina, the evil b-word who ratted out the Cullens, is now standing with the Volturi. Aro calls her forth and demands to know the truth: is the child on Bella’s back the same one Irina saw? Scared, Irina says she isn’t sure, because Nessie looks older now. Caius slaps Irina across the face a few times, and that’s why I crossed out Irina’s name in this chapter and wrote “Dumb Stupid Bella” above it.
(I won’t lie. It felt pretty good.)
After Aro reads Irina’s mind, he’s intrigued. Carlisle offers his explanation, but Aro cuts him off. He wants to hear the story from a more central perspective. He calls Edward forward which terrifies and angers Bella to the point where her levels of perfection increase by 389%.

“The red haze I saw around the Volturi army flamed brighter than before. I could not bear to watch Edward cross the empty white space alone—but I also could not endure to have Renesmee one step closer to our adversaries. The opposing needs tore at me; I was frozen so tightly it felt like my bones might shatter from the pressure of it.”

All these sudden feelings allow Bella to strongly project her shield over an area much larger than she’s ever attempted before. How convenient. (+1 Stupidity) Since Bella’s powers are now much more magnificent, we need to describe them in mind-numbing detail with words that don’t make sense.

“The shield blew out from me in a bubble of sheer energy, a mushroom cloud of liquid steel. It pulsed like a living thing—I could feel it, from the apex to the edges. There was no recoil to the elastic fabric now; in that instant of raw force, I saw that the backlash I’d felt before was of my own making—I had been clinging to that invisible part of me in self-defense, subconsciously unwilling to let it go. Now I set it free, and my shield exploded a good fifty yards out from me effortlessly, taking only a fraction of my concentration. I could feel it flex like just another muscle, obedient to my will. I pushed it, shaped it to a long, pointed oval. Everything underneath the flexible iron shield was suddenly a part of me—I could feel the life force of everything it covered like points of bright heat, dazzling sparks of light surrounding me.”

And I sat, chagrined and encased in my bubble of sheer horror and boredom, as the realization that I’d wasted two years of my life on an awful book series exploded over my head like an atomic bomb filled with porcupine needles. (+3 Thesaurus Rape) Stop abusing the poor metaphors, Meyer! Ay yi yi. I just need to hurry up and finish this chapter so I can go back to reading Destiel smut fanfiction. Which is, ironically, better than this book ever was.
We blabber on about Bella’s new strength for awhile. Apparently she can encase the entire world and possibly also the moon and a couple satellites in her shield of love. Then she realizes Edward cannot be inside the shield if Aro is going to touch him and learn the truth, so she lowers her defenses.

“You see?” Edward asked, his velvet voice calm. “Yes, I see, indeed,” Aro agreed, and amazingly, he sounded almost amused. “I doubt whether any two among gods or mortals have ever seen quite so clearly.” The disciplined faces of the guard showed the same disbelief I felt. “You have given me much to ponder, young friend,” Aro continued. “Much more than I expected.” Still he did not release Edward’s hand, and Edward’s tense stance was that of one who listens. Edward didn’t answer. “May I meet her?” Aro asked—almost pleaded—with sudden eager interest. “I never dreamed of the existence of such a thing in all my centuries. What an addition to our histories!”

Bella freaks, but decides to take her child to meet Aro on the condition that she can bring two bodyguards. She grabs Renesmee and heads out to meet Aro, accompanied by Jacob and Emmett. This is probably as close as I’m getting to seeing my idea for a TV show starring Jacob and Emmett called Jammet: Ninja Warriors. Aro greets Renesmee, and she says hello. He’s about to touch her hand to read her mind, but since she’s a Cullen, she’d rather touch faces (+1 Stupidity) , and reaches up to Aro’s head. The leader of the Volturi is impressed with what he sees, and tells his army that there has been a mistake. The child is not a vampire baby, but indeed a vampire hybrid. He then returns to his army, saying there is much to discuss.

“So much to discuss,” Aro said, his tone suddenly that of an inundated businessman. “So much to decide. If you and your furry protector will excuse me, my dear Cullens, I must confer with my brothers.”

Whoa. Wait.
There’s a battle, right? The next chapter is called “Jammet: Ninja Warriors” right? Emmett is going to kill a bunch of bad guys with a chainsaw, and Jacob will bite the heads off Marcus and Caius, right? Right? RIGHT?
 Please tell me that the final few pages in this book are rife with blood and fists. I’ve been good. I read all the chapters, even the one in which Jacob talked about balloons. I read the freaking balloon chapter! I did my part. I choked down 670 pages of this drivel, all of which lead up to this war, the war I was promised. The war I demand. Now where the hell is my war? (+1 Stupidity) I’m almost scared to read the next three chapters. I’m afraid of what I will find in the last three chapters of the Twilight Series. I swear, if this story ends with Bella picking flowers with Marcus while Edward plays Clue with Dakota Fanning,
I will be so,
SO pissed.

Chapter Count:
Stupidity: +6
Thesaurus Rape: +4
Book Count:
Stupidity: +281
Angst: +27
Bitch: +25
Thesaurus Rape: +42
Cream Count: +17
Eye Rape: +1
Redemption: +8
Red Flag: Edward: +16 Jacob: +8
  1. Grace says:

    I’m going to miss these posts! Only three to go…

    • Kate says:

      Few more than that, probably. There’s 2 more chapters, then I intend to split the last chapter into two parts. Then there’s the book recap, and I’ll probably post a series recap at the very end.

      • ha5rika says:

        Oh, thank God. I was scared it was going to be only 3 more reviews.
        Destiel fanfic, huh? I was never really a Destiel shipper but I am getting more and more into it. I think of Destiel as a Supernatural version of Pride and Prejudice. Dean is prejudiced against Castiel because he doesn’t trust Angels and Castiel’s pride stops him from accepting Dean’s help and/or opinion (rewatching Season 4). What do you think?

        On a more unrelated note, do you or have you ever watched a Bollywood movie or dance routine?

        • Kate says:

          1. Yeah, I didn’t ship it at first either. It was my brotp until the beginning of season 7 when Dean pulled the trench coat out of the lake, and then I really started shipping it hardcore.
          2. I’ve seen a couple Bollywood dance routines, though not recently.

  2. sammygirl1967 says:

    You are going to be so very pissed… Should’ve known better than to expect huge, epic battles from Meyer.

    On a far more important note, Destiel fanfic? *sighs wistfully* I haven’t read a Destiel fic in MONTHS. I’m starting to feel withdrawl. I’ve been far more focused on reading Samifer and finding new and inventive ways to murder Amelia in my head… *heads off in search of Destiel fic*

    • ha5rika says:

      Hey, if you write/find a fanfic about “new and inventive ways to murder Amelia”, give me a link to one. I would love to read it. She ruined the first half of Season 8 for me…

    • Kate says:

      Hmmm…I never really read any Samifer. If you find a good fic, you’ll have to post the link here.

      (Out of curiousity, do you ship Sam/Ezekiel?)

      • sammygirl1967 says:

        It’s only been two episodes, buuuut yeah. The slash fangirl in me sees potential everywhere. Kinda hard not to given the fact that Ezekiel is literally in Sam… 😛

        • Kate says:

          I know, right? If you have a twitter account, you should look up @_Ezekiel. It’s pretty funny. I lost it at “I got inside Sam before Gabriel did.”

  3. Emily says:

    Well, I finally got caught up on your reviews! Took me long enough..
    Good job on (almost) finishing the series!

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