Eclipse is sending all the wrong messages.

Posted: March 28, 2012 in Eclipse
Tags: , , , ,

As you all know, I’ve started taking plunge into the reeking pool of bile that is Eclipse, and I found something so delightfully weird and frighteningly strange that I just want to share it.

I read an online version of the books, mostly for convenience’s sake. Naturally, there’s a fair bit of advertising on each page. I see pretty standard stuff: clothes, fast food, whatever overpriced product Apple has lately pulled out of their ass, etcetera, etcetera.

And most recently, penis enlargement.

I kid you not.

Oh, Jesus.

This begs the question: what in holy hell is going on here?

I am so freaking confused. Ads obviously try to appeal to the audience viewing the source material, so what in God’s name is going on here? Is there some secret society of guys who read Twilight? Is a new strain of male Twitard out there, swooning over Robert Pattinson’s pasty abs? The fact that guys could be just as drawn in by this crap as girls are scares the shit out of me.

Or are guys with tiny dongs reading this for the romance tips so that they can finally score with the ladies? That, I could almost understand. Half the women on this planet consider Twilight to be the penultimate romance, so why not try to tap into their fantasies. (Please don’t, guys. Try anything Edward does, and any girl with self-respect will kick you where it counts.)

Maybe a large percentage of the Twilight fanbase is secretly guys who are too scared to admit it? I find this difficult to believe, since no one really has trouble owning up to the fact that they’re a brony.

Either way, I will never be able to look at the Twilight saga the same way again.

  1. william says:

    I query two things:
    1. Your use of the word penultimate, which means second to last, and
    2. The idea that in your whole time on the internet you’ve never seen an ad for penis enlargement.
    Please clarify, madam.

    • Kate says:

      1. Brain fart. It happens.
      2. More or less that it was exceedingly strange placement for a penis enlargement ad, and its odd implications. You normally only see ads for dick enhancement on 4chan and Tumblr and crap, because they appeal to that type of audience. The fact that it was on a Twilight book site just raised some interesting questions in my head.

  2. what the hell?!!! of all the ads you’d expect see

  3. TacoMagic says:

    Begging the Question.

    *Wanders off to be pedantic elsewhere*

  4. Rammknat says:


  5. Fook Moi says:

    those ads scan the cookies in your browser cache and show those they think are most appropriate.

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